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Decisions, decisions…

Time is running short to make a decision. My contract at Intel is almost up…and no word yet on whether it can be extended past June/July. Not that I really want it extended. That would just lead to further procrastination, which I have already been doing for the past year. Truth be told, I have been going stir-crazy for quite some while now, and though sleepless nights and completely packed schedules aren’t very conducive to my health, I REALLY miss feeling productive. I don’t feel like I have anything to work towards, and it’s driving me nuts. Like my life is pretty much void of all meaning :P :P Since I am so darn confused about what I want to do for the rest of my life (HA!), and am only certain of one thing that will make me happy (my health), I figured I would just pursue a BUNCH of options and hopefully have a few to choose from. I also figure that I will more than likely pursue a multitude of careers in my lifetime, so I should just go with the flow and find something that at least interests me at the moment.

One decision I have made is that I will not be going back to North Carolina. I have been pretty much living in denial, thinking that if I somehow got better I could suffer through another 1-4 years there…but I am nowhere near fully recuperated, and it will take me years to undo the damage that that one year did to me physically/emotionally. The two recent bouts of rain (the first since last august?) here in AZ reminded me of how CRIPPLING fibromyalgia really is, and that the humidity just destroys my body. I can’t even begin to describe the pain, and only those around me who actually see me walking around ‘normally’ on a daily basis and then see me ball up in pain at the first hint of rain, can possibly begin to understand.

Here are some of my options:
Apply for a full-time job at Intel
Apply for a full-time job at other companies in the Phx area
Complete my masters (where? online? at ASU? in what? chemical engineering? materials science?)
Get a job & have them pay to complete my masters at ASU
Pursue graduate studies at ASU’s new Biodesign Institute
Transfer to CU Boulder to complete phd in cheme
Change majors altogether – go premed? 7 more years of schooling?
Spend next year completing prerequisites for med/graduate school & take MCAT –> apply for med school or MD/PhD (UofA or CU Denver)
Go to culinary school :P :P

As you can see, I am really very interested in medicine and all things biotechnological…and the more time I spend as a desk jockey, the more I realize how easily bored I get. I really need to be helping people, interacting with people, doing things to keep my ADD in line. And my body would appreciate not sitting down all day in front of a computer screen. I would also love to find something that ignites a passion within, and gets me excited to wake up Monday morning to start another week of work…but I’ve pretty much given up on that in favor of my variation of some saying: “Work to live and live outside of work.” At least that’s what everyone at Intel does. It’s so sad. No one enjoys their job here…and 50-60+ hour weeks are becoming the norm in today’s society. And if you want to have any shot at promotion, you have to be working weekends and pretty much around the clock. With that kind of work week, who has time to have a life outside of work? Or family time for that matter? Let alone exercise or extra-curricular activities. Blah.

One Response to “Decisions, decisions…”

  1. stardo says:

    life is void of all meaning = disaster. i love my job, not just for the money i bring home. i don’t live much outside of work, but that is an established problem that we can see i am working on.

    your life is your life and we both know i have very little insight that i could provide that would be anything more meaningful than what you could come up with yourself. that said, i prefer to delve inward in times of any existential crisis and find myself drawn toward God in such times. He eases my soul. i am not sure how religious you might be and so that may or may not work for you. i know my life has meaning for any silliness that it is worth, despite my constant failings and my rumbling discontentment, especially as it relates to my own social ineptitude.

    Godspeed in the days ahead. my only hope is that you follow your heart and do what you love to do, because then you will have happiness. but then, i’ve always been a hopeless romantic-era philosopher, at heart, in my view of the world.

    p.s. i still believe, at some level, that health is *not* everything. but that is for a later (and previous) discussion.

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